Beau Wann, Jr.
Kay, as Kojak use to say, "who loves you baby"...WE DO...Say Kay, did your beaver family ever return? Did you actually get to see em up close? I've seen a stuffed beaver at Bevers real estate in Chappel Hill, but never a live one up close and personal. Saw a Bald Eagle on 290 though, and no body cares...
I was gonna ax a question on the forum, been searchin on the net about COGNAC! ! !
A pharmacist told me that cognac had medicinal qualities and that I should try it. As luck would have it, I have a bottle of VS Salignac..(the VS stands for very special, but As you will soon see, it is anything but special)...anyway, had a terrible pain filled night, and worse morning. Missed Sunrise Services because I couldnt get out of bed I hurt so bad. Finally made it to the regular services and that was touch and go. There were only 10 people at the sunrise one, and 60 at the regular Easter Services. WOW, a mega church...look out Osteen and Young...
Anyway, pain meds I took, just didnt do anything, and cant think of the name of them. Hydrocodone, and tropanal or some such goober. So, I was told that Cognac had medicinal value, and might just help in the pain dept. Well, actually I was told that brandy was medicinal, and since brandy was good for what ails you, then it stands to reason, that cognac, since it was brandy distilled twice, would be twice as good for what ails you...So, I whupped out the old cognac, and poured a glass full. (I dont know where we got the cognac, cause I dont remember buying it) My beloved said I was suppose to let it breathe. Ok, so I set the glass aside, but not before filling my snoot full of something so powerful, it smelled like it was pure alcohol laced with paint thinner. Burned the hair out of my nose. Well, thats one way to do it, but not recomended!
I let it sit there and stew, or marinate, ferment, fuse, pulsate, or whatever in the heck it does, for about 30 minuets...then came the taste test...OMG (*&^%%$#$@#&$*^%()&^% HMMMM MAH EARS STILL RING CHUGA LUG CHUG A LUG, MAKES YOU WANT A HOLLER HIDY HO, BURNS YOUR TUMMY DONTCHA KNOW, CHUG A LUG CHUG A LUG....that has to be the worse tasting crap I have ever had the misfortune to put in my mouth, or bring into this house...
Friends, I have eaten snake, and aligator, and squid and octopi, raw fish in a life raft and some stuff I didnt know what was...even had some caviar I thought was strawberry jam on a ritz, until I put it in my mouth...can you imagine drinking cognac and eating caviar???? Dont tell me that your palate has to get use to this crap...there aint that much gettin use to in the whirld...
after about a minuet, I finally caught my breath...I'll tell you what, that stuff is horrible...cognac is brandy distilled twice, and Brandy is wine distilled once. As much distillin going on, it ought to taste like pure heaven instead of H E double hocky sticks...
My wife says to pour it down the drain! I think not, plumbers cost too much. think I'll just keep it, and maybe kill FAR AINTS with it, or at least get em drunk, and then bop em on the head...maybe clean the deck with it...maybe I could burn it in the coleman lantern! ! ! ! I'm stickin to Jack Daniels Honey, now friends, thats smoooooooth...
Speaking of beavers, I got my chainsaw fired up yesterday...it's a Stihl, and has one of those easy pull spring starters. That thing is phenomenal...anyway, just wanted to fire it up just in case I needed to cut something up...I looked around for a long time, to see what I could saw, and saw nothing to saw, you see...Walked around the neighborhood, seeing if anyone needed some chainsawin done...it's amazing how a neighborhood can be so empty on a Saturday before Easter....musta all been visiting relatives...I thought I saw the curtains move in a couple of the houses, but probably was a left on ceiling fan blowin em!
Well anyway, I tried cutting a vine down along the back fence, and dang near sawed the fence in half...Ah ha, heres my chance to get rid of a pesky vine...It didnt take much, got the CS close to one of the largest fronds, and that blade took a holt of it and started whipping it around, and vines and leaves were flying all over the neighborhood. Before I could shuter down, it had stripped the fences for 6 houses down the street, and one clothes line with unmentionables a hangin off...
once I got the chainsaw untangled from the vine and clothes line that it yanked off the fence and surrounding area, it was wound around me and a couple of lawn chairs, it finally ran out of gas...I looked for the gas can, after I got untangled, but couldnt find where I put it...I think someone stole it...My wife swears she didnt see it, but I could have sworn it was where she was standing...Oh well, wherent no fun nohow... Vines dont want to cooperate...hey, I got an idear! ! ! I could use that cognac as fuel...I'll bet it'd make that ol chain saw run better! ! ! My beloved musta seen the lightbulb, albeit dim light bulb, go off over my punkin head, cause she took off in a run, nay a sprint...bet she could do the 40 in 4.0...I figured she had taken the gas can and now the cognac...well I wasnt gonna use my good Jack Daniels in the chainsaw, so I put er away...looking, always looking for ways to improve things...(the above is just as much my wifes fault as it is mine, cause she shoulda tried stoppin me)
Ok, needed to find something else to do, so I took Cooper for a walk and then Jack. Seems lots of folks just got home from where ever they were visitng. I asked around about needin any chainsaw work done, and seems no one needed any. Oh well, one day they will and I'll be ready!
Rat now, I am sipppin some Jack Daniels Honey, and it sure is smooth...oh, I said that already eh! Had a storm come in this safternoon...all it did was huff and puff and then spit a little rain, but nothing to speak of...hmmmthen why did I speak of it???
Ok, guess I'll try to go to sleep, or at least stagger in that direction, where ever that is. Now I know why my dad drank so much. He was blind in one eye, 75% of his hearing was gone, he was an ironworker, broke his leg in 7 places once in 52 or 53, tough bidness being an ironworker...I was one for a couple of years, so I dont blame him for drinking...
I tried the 9 raisins soaked in gin, but after the first 9, I spit them out. TThey had seeds in them, and hard ones at that....I have diverticulitis, and I aint gonna go through that pain ever again, if I can help it! I think it was just meant for me to hurt...maybe it's sort of an atonement for all my past sins! Well, gettin to heaven is a priority for me, so whatever works. I know, ya gotta believe in Jesus, and I do, but maybe the pain will help too. What about the 4 hundred thousand that the new testament said was gonna go to heaven? Just them and not us? I have more questions than there are answers!
Well, finnnnnalllly gettting sleeepby...if I dont move, I dont hurt so bad...Guess I could just sit here all night...done that before, and thats no fun...
Keep the sun at your six and the pain meds handy, so you can ride boldly ride...
your frien and brother, JabberWrockyMalarky
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