Beau Wann, Jr.
"WANTED,
SENIOR SITIZEN SITTER...MUST LOVE DOGS AND CATS; WALK SAME, (WELL, NOT THE CATS, THEY WILL WALK ON YOU) CLEAN LITTER BOXES, CLEAN UP DOGGAH POOPAH; MUST LIKE SWIMMING; IF NOT A CERTIFIED SCUBA DIVER, AT LEAST BE AN OLYMPIC SWIMMER; BE ABLE TO TELL TIME...ALGEBRA A MUST...OH YEAH, AND MOST IMPORTANT, BE ABLE TO COOK ON THE STOVE TOP...AND NOT WALK AWAY AND LEAVE A PAN OF POTENTIAL BOILED EGGS TO BURN AND EXPLODE...
And so it goes...yup, you guessed it...I put half dozen unsuspecting eggs into a pan of water, put em on "the burner with a brain"...yeah right, some brain, hell I could have done as much as that brain burner did...well duh, I did didnt I...Me and catahoula Jack went upstairs to do other stuff, and just sitting around fat dumb and happy...Jack was lounging and snoozing on the couch, and I was checking emails and stuff, when "POP"...
I looked at jack, and he looked at me with the "sounds like you messed up bro" look, then layed his head down and went back to snoozin...That pop sounded like it was in the foyer...hmmm, if it had been an intruder, ol jack woulda been onem like jack on and intruder...Hmmm, maybe ol jack is slippin, or maybe he just wants me to take care of his light work...so ah grabbed mah shootin arn, headed down the stairs, and peeked around the corner...no intruder...but, I smelled something burning...dang perceptive of me wasnt it...it still didnt dawn on me that there was a problem, despite the smell...
wandered into the kitchen, just in time for another egg to explode..."What the heck" I said outloud..."who the heck put something on the stove and walked off and left it"???? or woids to that defect...
"UH OH, does the phrase, "looks like you REALLY done it this time ol roy" have a familiar ring to it????
I looked around to see if anyone was watching...just a couple of kurious kats with the "looks like you REALLY REALLY done it this time dummy" smirks on their pusses...cats are so arrogant sometimes...
I turned off the burner, just intime for a third egg to explode...thought I'd try for the trifecta, so I put the pan in the sink on a plastic/rubber grate, and put cold water in the pot to kinda cool things down...damn, I wish I had paid attention in Mr Clausens class...well, the cold water did the trick...the remaining 3 eggs erupted with rapt aplomb...real gusto...or otherwise WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTIONS style...
I'm standing there with, literally "egg on my face", and my shoulders and feets and the ceiling and fridge and stove and walls, and all in time for my beloved to walk in...what timing...she never batted an eye...went to the garage and brought out, not just one roll of paper towels, THE WHOLE 12 PACK...yup boys and girls, my wife is a trooper...through all that, the cats never flinched or stopped to change the looks on their faces..."boy ya really done it this time"...
Time passes, as do several rolls of paper towels...(yall buy stock in the paper towel industry)...the subject of "what happened" was finally broached..."what happened" says my beloved..."what the hell do you think happened" says a much perturbed and unrepentent sounding idjit...I get the teacher look, "hmmm, I think I know what happened" says she..."there's boiled eggs and shells and crud all over the house, and a burnt pan in the sink, and smoke hanging in the air ???? why, thats pretty astute of you doncha think" says I rather huffily...ok, I need to calm down and just accept that I am hopeless..."sorry DW" says I, "I feel pretty worthless right now, coulda burned down the house. Thats how Kevins house burned down"...
So, thats why I need a senior sitizen sitter...
I've been cleaning that pot inside, and outside where the rubber/plastic stuck to it...DW says to leave it alone, and she can fix it... she pulled some majic pot be clean, powder out from under the stinky sink, and voila, pot be clean...
Hey Bernd, they say that yall are having the worst winter since the "little ice age"...that true???? Stay warm man...if you cant, you and your family are welcome here in WARM TEXAS...
oK, GONNA sing off for now...gonna go to K rogers and get some of those already boiled eggs...I be banished from the kitchen...really more of a "self exile" than anything else...
Your frien and slightly "egged on" brother...Mr FOGHORN LEGHORN, OH BOY, AH SAY BOY, THAT THAR IS A CHICKEN...
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