Beau Wann, Jr.
Yaaa Wayne, got to chuckle at something other than my stuff...got one from Groucho Marxs..."saw an elephant in my pajamas last night, how he got there I'll never know"...babumpbump
I woulda got on before now, but the siding guys have been wreaking havoc with stuff...there are two copper freon tubes going up the inside of an outside wall from the outside units...yup, you guessed it, they hit them both with numerous nails...only at my house...had to get the AC people out, to the tune of 2000.00dollars...I told the siding people, that comes off their bill...lordy lordy lordy, I HATE REMODELING...OMGOSH...I am a nervous wreck with all the hammering and stuff...I do get to leave a few hours a day to take cooper to his schools...I havent had a nap all week...I NEED A NAP DANGIT...
Ok, Jimmy H was telling me how to boil eggs at Fudds...well, not actually boil an egg AT FUDDS, we were at Fudds and he told me the trick to boiling an egg...You boil the water first, and then put the eggs in and turn the fire off and let them sit for 20 minutes...I read this in the paper also, just forgot about it.
Ok, the day after Fudds, I'm gonna boil some eggs...I only have 2 left...I destroyed the other half dozen in my foray into Mr. Clausens explosive whirld of science...SO, I have to make this count with only two eggs left...
Instructions: Get Pan...check...fill with water...check...put said pan and water on stove...check...so far so good...
Now, at this particular point, I get distracted by a cat...imagine that...a cat? no, me getting distracted!!!
I set the timer, and duct tape it to my right ear, seeing as how my left ear is now defunct, or otherwise stone deef...I stroll into the library, which is just off the kitchen, in fact I can see the stove from where I am sitting,,,Ha, aint nothing to this egg boiling mystery...time passes...DING goes the timer...AH HA says I...where the heck is that bell ringing, and why...OH YEAH, I GOT EGGS A BERLIN...So, I march hautely into mine kitchen, and check on the eggs, and they are just sitting there...water not boiling, nothing...where the hell am I, Denver..."WHY ISNT THIS WATER BOILING" I scream at the stove...I can tell the stove is not likeing me at all...it also appears, that I have drawn an audience...5 of the 6 cats are on the bar and surrounding counters, staring at me...Jack and Cooper are staring at me..."QUIT STARING AT ME" , I shout...Cooper goes back and lays down, but the rest of the crowd aint moving...they know a good show when they see one...
"Ok", says I, "just dont say a word" at which point, Peaches says "Meow" and I might add, just a little disrespectful...I turn away from my audience and glare at the stove..."uh oh" I thought...seems you have to ACTUALLY turn on the burner to get water to boil...who woulda thought...but, I have an excuse, I flunked algebra...yeah I did, I know it's hard to believe, but I did...but, just barely, I might add...
So, check the water with my finger, just to make sure it was still cold...I know, I know, what if it had boiled? Well, my finger would be in the ice maker about now, but fortunately the water WAS still cold...
I turn the flippin burner on, or is it I flip the flippin burner on? No matter, FIREUH, DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM, FIREUH...who did that song??? Ok, got the flippin burner a burner, pan full of water firmly ensconsed on the flippin burnin burner...eggs just a waitin to dive into some boiling water...set the timer on my right ear...
back to the library, to finish looking at a recipe book from Southern Living...(like I'm really gonna follow the instructions and cook something edible)...really getting into this recipe book, and was interrupted by some stupid dinging in my right ear...OH YEAH...I got water boiling on the stove....I saunter hautely into the kitchen, and check the pan, and...WHERE DID THE WATER GO???? what the hell???? "GROUNDHOG DAY"!!!!!!!
Well, that was just test water anyway...the real stuff will be going into the pan soon, as in now...fill the pan back up, make sure the burner is on, set the pan on the burnin burner, and lean against the counter...I AM GOING TO WATCH THE DANG WATER BOIL....I KNOW, I KNOW, A WATCHED POT NEVER BOILS...but it will today...so I watch it, but out of the corner of my eye...I pretend I am doing something else like cleaning the sink, and stuff like that...I have my eye on that pan o water...WELL GLORY HALLALUJIA, THE WATER IS BOILING...why do I have water boiling???? Oh, yeah, now I remember, as my eyes catch two white orbs de chicken...so, I grab up the eggs, and plunk em into the boiling water..".what was that sound"? I'm thinking..."was that a CRACK I heard" says me...yup, that was deffinetly a crack...now I got "egg drop soup"
well, maybe it wont hurt the eggs too much...they wouldnt have cracked if the water had been deeper, say like a 55 gallon drum...lord I cant even imagine trying to get a 55 gallone drum of water to boil...
I turn the burner off, and let the eggs sit in the boiling water about 10 minutes, meanwhile, I lost my audience...good, the ungrateful brats...
Ok, I find a slutted spoon to scoop out my delectable delights, only there sure is a lot of egg that has escaped the shell...yup, egg drop soup...I try to peel the eggs, or at least take whatever shell is left, off...the yolks are runny!!!! eggs not cooked enough...I take the shells off and give em to Jack and Cooper...I am never gonna get a boiled egg ever again, am I ! ! ! ! I am like a junkie, I HAVE TO HAVE A BOILED EGG, AND NOW!!!! I drive to K rogers, and purchase a bag of previously boiled eggs...they only come half dozen to a bag, and are 2.79 for 6 eggs...I got to have em, I'd pay any price...
I get em home, and they are about the size of a quail egg...what, we got miniature chickens now???...I salt and pepper a couple of em, and man they are delicious...not as good as if I had cooked them, but edible...doesnt seem much of a chance of me ever getting to cook a successful boiled egg, but I will try again at some later date...My beloved comes home, and says," you want me to boil some eggs for you"?
"I would love for you to, but the stove and fireuh and pan and water and eggs are all in cahoots against me having a boiled egg..."
She whups out the pan and eggs, and voila, BOILED EGGS...Well, she does have her Masters degree, and I have a lowly old non algebraic associates degree...
Guess I will sign off for now...
Your frien and bretheren..."CHICKENS FEAR ME" dod
|