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Beau Wann, Jr.
Jimmy, what we have heah, is failya to communicate, a nekid bus driver, not a nekid indian...never sawr either, and hope to never see one...so if you do, never trust either, or...
SSSSSSSSSSSSSS..."beau, wake up, your thing in the garage is hissing"...I heard my beloved say somewhere in my beauty sleep fog..."What"???? says I, somewhat cornfused..."uh, your air compressor is hissing in the garage" I heard again...Now, I'm shakin the cobwebs out of my head, wonderin just where the heck I am and how I got there..."Is this april fools day again"??, says I..."No, your aircompressor is hissing" DW says..."In the garage???" I say..."yes" she replied..."ok, see, thats a natural occurance in the garage, but if you happen to hear it, say, upstairs, or anywhere except the garage, RUN"...I reply..."Why did you wake me up, you know if I'm sleeping, thats a good thing, and I get very little sleep as it is"...I say testily..."Well, I didnt know if there was something wrong with it. I've never heard it do that cept when you are filling the tires or blowing out the vacuum cleaner"...says DW
"And you woke me for that...???" says I..."Ok, I'm awake now. Thank you very much for letting me know. I'll alert the media, and you call 911, but you'll have to look up their number..." says I being a smarty...Now, I've hurt her feelings, and made her mad..."I'm sorry"....Two words in the english language that could be spoke more often, of course with me, thats a 24/7 occurance...And so a rocky start to an otherwise rocky start...
How many of youse have a rather unconventional start to your day???? "your thing in the garage is hissing"...Guess now is as good a time to get up as any...besides, shes the ones got to look at my ugly self, cause I didnt get my beauty sleep in...hells bells, I'd have to sleep for a mellinium to accomplish any beautyfyin...
Got a friend coming in from Florida today, that I havent seen in almost 20 years...we keep in touch of course, so it's not like.."SURPRISE, I'm here"...We're going to spend the week up at ye olde country estate...gonna put his ass to work...got decks to build, a gate to hang in the north 40, feeders and cameras to tend...maybe I ought to just drop him off, and come back when he's finished...
Ok, ok, I'm movin...Made lunch for DW, and coffee, and a rather healthy sparse breakfast of sliced apple, peanut butter, and honey...thought we'd eat healthier today since over the weekend I fix my patented south'ren breakfast, eggs, grits, sausage, hashbrowns, biscuits, gravy, real butter, and preserves, and of course coffee..
So this morn we eat healthy...not that the aforementioned isnt, it's just that some things are MORE healthy than others...cheescake is healthy, it has at least 5 or 6 of the 4 food groups, eggs, cream, sugar, flawr, vanilla, more sugar, more eggs, red dye number 5 yellow dye number 40 etc...well you know healthy stuff...but an apple prolly is more healthy, so thats what we're having this morn, with added healthy peanut butter and honey from bellville...
I carry it into our bath, on her side, and she is of course in the closet, wonderin what she's gonna wear...seems she's always in the closet..."hon, do these pants make me look too..." she says....OMG, PLEASE DONT GO THERE...I AM A TERRIBLE LIAR..."No, you look like crap...youre not going out of the house dressed like that are you...???" I dont say that anymore, I just go, "cant hear you, dont have my bionical ears in yet"...and run out of the room as fast as I can...Hollarin, "your breakfast is on the counter in the bath..."
There was one minor flaw...one overlooked...uh...potential problem with my breakfast for DW...uh oh...I heard DW hollar, so I come a runnin, trippin over this dog, and that cat, but I make it to the Bath in one piece with out falling down...DW is standing there, holding a little orange kitty, named Peaches, at arms length...you remember the minor flaw, potential problem I was telling you about, that I somehow managed to over look???? PRECIOUS PEACHES JUMPED UP ON THE COUNTER, (I know, I know, she isnt allowed on the counter, but they neither need our permission or approval to do anything and really doesnt matter one way or another to a kat) anyway, in her flight from floor to counter, Precious Peaches landed in the middle of DWs breakfast, yup, rat in the peanut butter and honey...which she tracked all over the counter and floor and was high steppin in the carpet, trying to dislodge the sticky substance from her precious little paws...
I grabbed Precious little Peaches before DW murdercated her, carried her to the kitchen, all the while her wiping her sticky paws on my shirt and arms...carry her over to the sink, and I know, she is not gonna like the next turn of events...I turn the water on, and out comes her switchblades...I have no choice, but to dunk her paws in the water...so at great risk to life and limb and loss of blood, I put her in the sink with water runnin...needless to say, she didnt like that idear, and I didnt like her attitude either...she didnt much care, I'm sorry to say...that Peach, has no sense of humor or sense of anything else for that matter, just gettin the hell away from me...I finally get her cleaned up, her hoarse from hollarin kitty kuss words at me, and me about a half pint low on blood...I set her on the floor, and she looks like the proverbial "drowned cat" cept, she isnt drowned, just wet and MAD...cusses me out in kittyese, again, and gives me the kitty evil eye, and the kitty middle claw, and runs from the room to hide...probably gonna fix me, and throw up on my side of the bed or something evil...hell, aint a blood lettin enough for you, you stupid ungrateful...KAT...????
Now I have to clean the peanut butter and honey she tracked everywhere...DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING, LIKE HAVE A HEALTHY BREAKFAST????? HOW IS IT HEALTHY???? MY BLOOD PRESSURE SHOT THROUGH THE ROOF, I'M BLEEDIN HALF TO DEATH, STARING AT A STROKE OR TWO...lordy lordy lordy...It'd a been healthier to just fix a dozen eggs in butter and bacon grease, and top that off with a piece of cheese cake and a pint of heavy cream and a pound of sugar and a piece of fried chicken...I can just hear Saint Peter, "uh, youre telling me, that a precious little kitty killed you???" "did you try to poison that poor precious little kitty with peanut butter and honey???"..."nope, not gonna come in here...down to hell you go, you meany", or woids to that effect...
YUP, what a wonderful start to an otherwise already crappy day...well, I did wake up, didnt I???
I guess thats something to be thankful for...oh, and I am...I can walk, sort of, and see, sort of, and hear, kind of...just wish I could start my day like a normal person does, however in the heck a normal person starts their day...and to think, I thought I WAS normal...
Ok, time to get Coop ready for his reading class...
have a nice day...stay away from the honey and peanut butter...
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