|
Beau Wann, Jr.
Good Morrow myne fyne molecular masterpieces. Tis I, Rumplestilskin...er Rumpleheimers, fresh from the frozen tundra up heah (Maineese for here) on Wolvertons mountain. Our digical electronical weather station, CHIMACS, has been funky, stinky and brokey for much of this yeah. (again Maineese for year)
Anyway, it's been -40 on the screen since June, and being a pretty sharp person, I think is just a tad off, and no rain recorded even though we've had a few frog stranglers, and hardly any wind recorded, Which I know is a lie because just the other day the wind was blowing so hard the boidies were walking. If they tried to fly, the wind would catch em and they would be heading south whether they wanted to go that way or not.
We've even changed battries (wanneese for batteries) all to no avail. Glad I kept all the old manual equipment, it doesnt lie! It does however get the hell beat out of it and sometimes disappears when we have inclement weather.
Before I go any further, I would like to thank the greatest class in the whirld for all the encouraging emails and hand written U.S. postal notes. To borrow a line from one of the greatest classic movies of all times, "It's A Wonderful Life", "no man is a failure who has friends". Or a facimile thereof! The quote, not the message.
I know most of you know, pain has a way of distorting EVERYTHING in life, and life itself. I shall be approaching adversity from another direction. I am going to be "pains" pain from now on. Yeah, that's the ticket. You just have to get your mind right is all, and focus on other stuff. Well, duh! ! ! ! I'm a little slow, folks! I have been blessed beyond all imagination.
If it hadnt been for Mrs Simpson, I'd probably still be in the 5th grade. Nah, probably not. Jenny Taylor would have helped me study, as she did in our senior year, and I would pass, as I did back then. Thanks Jenny.
There is no replacement for friends like Jenny and all yall. No equal, none better! Before I get to blubberin with all the sentimentalness, I'll move on, back to the weather, whether I should or knot.
I finally finished the boat haus! I know, it's not by a lake or other body of water, and it is at the top of a hill, about 350 feet above sea level, but you never know. With all the chicken littles crying, "the ocean is rising, the ocean is rising, lawd hep us..." well you ketch my drift, I thought "why not, just to be on the safe side, and build a boat haus". Onliest (east texas for only) thing now is to buy a boat and maybe a swimming pool to float it in till the ocean reaches us.
Meanwhile, I've turned the boat haus into a pavillion and lounging deck. Well, lounging until the wind blows you offen it. Speakin of wind, breaking no records, but blustery nonetheless, I was trying to fold a tarp up by myownself, in a blustery blast, and I just about got swept away to Austin county. Now folding a tarp in no wind, is like refolding a street map, is iffy at best, but in a Wolverton mountain wind, down right unheard of!
Seems like only yesterday, hmmm, maybe that's because it was yesterday you daffy duck! Ok, ok, no need to get our tarps in a bundle. Now where wasse eye? Oh yeah, the folding of ye olde tarp. I grabbed opposite corners and tried shaking it out to get it spread out to commence the fold. That was my 2nd mistake, first mistake was setting my drink down, getting up from comfortableness, going to extreme "do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars, go straight to stupid land", and touching the dang thang in the first place. So I commenced to shaking it out into the wind, when a disgusting gust blew the tarp back into my person.
It clung to me just like saran wrap is suppose to but doesnt. Now, instead of getting said tarp folded, I've become a burrito of sorts with the tarp wrapped around me. "No problem", I think to myself, I'll just extricate my person from the "Dr Tarp Mr Hyde"! Not as easy as one would think mon ami, extricating oneself from a killer tarp. I'm dancing around trying to find the edges or corners whichever comes first, and it seemed no matter what I grabbed, it was the wrongest thing.
I'm doing the frug, the mashed potato, the watusi, and the bristol stomp, banging into the boat haus and the boulders I moved for a firepit. How I was so proud of moving the five, 500 pound boulders by myself, "ha, I am superman" I says...yeah, an idiot superman. Banged into everyone of them bad boys. Yup, and they are as hard as rocks, like my punkin haid!
Diane was watching from the kitchen window she says, and thought about coming out to help me, but thought I was holding my own ok, and really didnt want to add to the problem. If I didnt make it, at least there would be one survivor to carry on after the "Wolverton mountain tarp masacre". She told me later that my dancing had really improved since last we cut a rug. But that was later!
I finally found a good edge and peeled it around till I saw daylight, and turned in such a way that the wind was causing the tarp to come unwound from my person. "Eureka, I is free", but still holding on, and now it's a sail from a four masted square rigger and draging me south towards the fence. Meanwhile, along with Diane, my ol one eyed dog Jack and sweet Dixie Belle were all in audience whilst I put on a really big shew! The tarp hit the dogs and wrapped around them much to their dismay, but they were smarter than the average bear, and managed to jump free.
Ok, now I'm at the fence, tarp in full sail mode, my person dangerously close to being swept into the fence and over, maybe going round the whirld in 80 days, when I thought, "why dont I just let go! ! ! !" God there's a thought! Oh Jenny, where art thou? Finally my mind catches up to the situation, and "I LET GO", man that was so easy, and all without aid of Mrs Simpson or Jenny, I know they would be so proud!
I finally let go, proudest moment of my idiot life, the tarp sails into one of the cows in the next pasture. Seems I had captured the herds attention. The cow that the tarp swallowed up was Larry the longhorn! ( my wife names all the cows and animals we encounter).
You talk about funny looking, here is the silouete(sp) of a longhorn cow, horns and all, completely covered by a brown and silver tarp. I will say I admired the cows stamina at standing it's ground. In fact it didnt flinch at all for at least one second. Ol mr longhorn leaped up in the air and thrashed about till both points of the horns stuck through the tarp. Oh great, now my tarps ruined, if I ever see it again.
Larry L started running and ran into a tree, well it was a small tree, and some of the branches caught onto the tarp as Larry L started running away from the tree. YEA, tree kept the tarp and Larry the longhorn was free. Me thinks he was just a tad miffed, cause he kept looking in my direction bellowing. Good thing cows dont have middle fingers eh what, cause I know I'd a got one!
Larry the longhorn was never what you would call a "happy cow" to begin with, if not downright cantankerous. Under the illusion that the grass is always greener, He has gone under the fence a time or three to sample our wares. I've tried to run him back on to his own pasture, but with little to no success. He's not intimidated by me and my Kawasaki Mule.
By the t ime the terrible tarp had disappeard in the direction of Bellville, it had hit at least 3 more cows, another fence, small cabin, tractor and a partridge in a pear tree. I kept watching the news to see if there was any "BREAKING NEWS" on a killer tarp rampaging through Washington county and Austin county and all points south. No news is good news.
That ol tarp cost about 8 dollars. I think I got my monet's worth dontchew! Entertainment value wise that is! I do have several more tarps to play with if so inclined.
Time to deplane boss...keep the sun at your six, tarps folded up and ride boldly ride.
Your frien and tarp salesman of the year, Beau Cephus E Lee, esq
Post Script: My mother in law has made an amazing recovery from her stroke. She is 88! She is home and only remnants of the stroke is she uses a walker for balance. Her speech and most everything has returned to almost normal. She goes to therapy, OT, PT and ST, three times a week. She is back to laughing and playing dominoes and cards etc. My sons and grandson and other workers went to their house and installed ramps and hand rails and raised shower floors and terlet seats etc.
When the docs first saw her, they didnt think it would be a good outcome, and are amazed at her progress. Wonder woman for sure.
|
.gif)
.jpg)
.jpg)
