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Beau Wann, Jr.
Moanin Mine Waltripians...In response to the last post...oh wait, that was me...never mind...
Well, the 7 woids I heard growin up, came back at me, yet again. "Well, you really did it this time" ...
This is where my day starts off with a "bang", and later on ends in a "bang"...
I was walkin Huckle and berry yestiddy moanin, started walking them together again, when out of the blue, here comes a stray dog. Me and dumb and dumber were in the middle of Bolivia down by the Cole Creek Valley bridge, when this big white dog with a black eye came charging at us...Jack, and Cooper to a lesser extent, disabused him of any malcontentment he may have had on his "dog mind". Big white dog assumed submissive position, and they all squared off and sniffed, and Jack musta sensed "big white dogs" intentions were not sincere, or frriendly. Jack lit into him, and started draggin me and coop down the street...Thats less than 100 pounds draggin more than 300 pounds, all the while trying to turn "big white stupid dog" into swiss cheese.
"With all my strength I gave a mighty shove, and a miner yelled out, there's a light up above..." oops wrong place, but anyway, my "ironworkin days and lineman days" of strength reared up and now I was pulling 200 pounds back, plus mine own weight. Not good enough! ! ! Jack circled me one way, and Cooper, out of cornfusion, circled me the other, entangling my legs, and then the "mean stupid dumb big ol white dog" charged. Now, I hate to have to hurt any critter, ceptin maybe a grizzaly bear, (east texas for grizzly bear) but not being as mobile as one might wish one was, I took a swing at "mean ol stupid white dog with a black eye" and connected sort of, and did a really nice pirouette in the process of. As luck would have it, my right knee went right, as I had wished it would, but my right foot, being obstinate, stood it's ground, and I fell flat on my back, rat in the middle of Bolivia...being almost dragged down the street by two GRIZZALY DAWGS...
Meanwhile, "big ol mean and stupid white dog with a black eye, and I hope a sore nose, cause thats where I connected with my walkin stick", ran away...FINALLY...yup, my mean ol bad self had that grizzaly bear on the run...that'll teach him to mess with me, "ol Mr. mean bad and nasty" , which at this time, was stopping traffic because he was laying on his Mr. mean and bad and nasty backside, tangled up by fric and frac, rat in the middle of Bolivia...
I'm surprised I didnt see the "traffic chopper" hovering above me..."Uh Chet, this is Dave coming to you live from the channel 2 traffic chopper. Looks like we have some sort of disturbance down here on the northwest side of town. It has traffic backed up for miles. Cant see just what happened because of the trees. It appears to be some sort of protest, "occupy Bolivia" if you will. Looks like animal cruelty is involved. I see one, no two dogs tangled up with some sort of "hulking biker" dude. We will have to get back with you when we sort this out...This is Dave Dopler, live from the channel 2 Traffic Chopper....Back to you chet..."
Well, there was at least one car...driven by a" young whipper snapper". He got out, and of course Jack and Cooper went into there protect "daddy" mode, more like, "lets greet this guy and maybe we will get some lovin and treats" mode. I'm trying to get up, which at this particular time is a chore because Huckle and Berry are still tangled up in my legs, AND trying to greet a new friend, and now my new friend too.
"Here oldtimer, let me help you up", I hear him say...OLDTIMER???? WHAT THA (*&^%$*(&????
Now, I'm not one to shun help, should the occasion arise, but OLDTIMER????
Before I could answer and plant both feet firmly in my mouth, my new friend says, "what happened here, you fall down"????? OH-MY-GOSH" I'm thinkin...could it get any worse, of course when you say that, then everything that already hasnt gone to hell in a hand basket, completes the trifecta, the hat trick, and just flips to hell over...
You know, all I wanted to do was walk my damn dogs, unacosted, unmolested, and what do I get..."unbelievable"! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ...
Oh great, here comes the local security car, and he parks and gets out...oh lord, here comes the police too...can it get any worse????
"take me now Lord"...So, to recap, I am trying to get up and untangled, or is it untangled and get up? no matter, it is a big mess now, no matter what in the hell I do. No one is gonna believe this, even I dont! ! ! ! !
So, finally all the kings horses and all the kings men get ol humpty dumpty biker dude up and untangled, meanwhile, Fric and Frac are having the time of their lives, getting treats and petted and loved on by everyone but me. "Oh what sweet and wonderful dogs you have here..." I hear them say...I think I'm gonna puke...
The authorities and everyone was trying to find out what happend. I didnt want to look bad...er worse than I already looked, so I said, "it was really a controlled crash that got out of hand. You see, I am Lon W. Mohr, star of screen and stage, and we were rehearsing for our "dog sled" scene for the new movie "BALTO"...you know, the dog that saved Gnome, or Juno,Alaska from Diptheria, or whatever was plaguing the town at the time..."
Of course, I got some disbelieving looks and stares. " No really, there's a dog sled around here somewhere", I said. "Look, I appreciate the help, but I'll be just fine as soon as I locate that dog sled."
I start heading back to the house, really LIMPING heading back to the house. "You're hurt" ! I hear the officer say. "NO NO NO, I'm just fine, I'm rehearsing the limp I'm suppose to have in the film" I say frantically.
There wass no way I was gonna let them call an ambulance, so I picked up the pace and started trotting down the street, right knee just screaming at me. I guess the police car followed just to make sure I was ok
I get to the door and unlock it and wave and smile at the gendarms, as they drive off. I could see them smile and laughing as they drove off. Once inside, I cut the boys loose from their "sled dog harnesses", grabbed a sack of ice and flopped down in my duck tape easy chair, and moaned for the rest of the day. Hoping it was over! ! ! No such luck!!!!
The little woman gets home, and notices me with a rather pronounced limp..."Whats wrong sweety" says she....So I recount the story to a disbelieving little woman..."Really" ???she says. "Yup" says I.
"Well, get your pants off so I can doctor it up" she says, breaking out the first aid kit. Our first aid kit looks something like the emergency room at northwest hospital. I tell her she can look at it when I say she can look at it...(X-Rated) so I take my pants off, and she and I both bend down to look at said knee at the same time...and you remember how I said I was hoping it was over? Well here comes the part where it isnt! ! ! And also remember your physics, "no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time" ????
Her head, and my head, in their quest to inspect the damaged knee, try to defy the laws or physics, and collide with a BANG, and illicit a loud "DANG" , or words to that effect...(I thought lady girl female heads were suppose to be soft! ! !) I wouldnt have believed my beloveds head was that hard, but it knocked the p waddle lee snot out of me...didnt hurt her at all...I saw stars, and wobbled about, sorta like they do...I just wobbled on into the bedroom and fell into bed, MY DAY WAS DONE...at least I was hoping it was done...probably one of the cats would jump on the bed and make it crash like they have done in the past...oh well, maybe that would put me into a coma and outta my misery! ! !
yup, started with a BANG, and ended with a BANG ! ! ! ! ! At least there was no cement pond involved at this time, or crashing bed. Maybe I'm dreaming this, and will wake up on some tropical island with a bevy of scantily clad beauties all around me, feeding me bon bons and little drinks with unbrellas...nah, no such luck...
Ok, time to deplane...just thought I'd share with you what just one of my days of the week is like, and THERE ARE SEVEN OF EM. ...I am ok, sore knee and all. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE FRIC AND FRAC ON PATROL TODAY, AND NEVER TOGETHER AGAIN...!!!!! of course I said that before...but by gum, I mean it this time! ! !
keep the sun at your six and ride boldly ride
your frien and silly brother BeauCephus Lon W. Mohr, star of stage screen and TV aka "OLDTIMER"...
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dumpty)
