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Beau Wann, Jr.
To say that "yesterday" was one of the most exhausting and hardest days of my life, is putting it mildly. Visitied with Dr Baines and PA Cindy of radiology/oncology dept. The path report is still not in, unless they are trying to spare me more mental anguish. When it does fianally surface, they are sending it on to the Mayo lab. I like mayo, Dukes Mayo.
What we do know is that this, the leisons, is not anormal. They are using terms like on a scle of 1-4, 4 being the worst, this is a 3, maybe a 4. Also the word "aggressive" has come up. Onliest (east texas for only) good thing, if you can call it good, is that it is not coming from somewhere else in the body. Which means that only have the one point to have to attack rather than several fronts. They're also talking about 2nd opinions.
They havee no idea what's causde it, it wasnt there a year ago last October, had all this same tests MRI catscacns, which showed nothing unusal. I'm scared! ! ! to put a point on it! I was soooo exhausted from yeserterdays excersions to CS, never felt that exaushedted befoer, Like a fool idjit GUY I wanted to drive my truk instead of listening to my beloved and let her drive us in her MORE COMFORTABLE CAR. bECAUSE Of the exhaustion, I was so sure that last night was my last, I just sat up in bed looking at the stars outside my window, clinging on to one of the best women on the face of the earth, and my cat as well. I've never felt that cold and numb in my life.
I was cold and hot and numb, literally numb, arms and legs and back. It was like every injury I've ever had, had decided to surface. Broke my arm summer of 59, just before I was to enter Black JH. It hurt, of course, but years and years wetn by and I'd pretty much forgooton about any pain. The pain came back yesterday ! ! ! Everywhere I've had surgery has presented it self now as a cold numbness.
No radiation therapy till a week after my staples come out, soonest. If I make it to treatment, it will be radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks, here's hoping! ! ! Trying to keep a positive attitube will be a task in itself. Maybe they make drugs for that sort of thing that wont intefere with treatment. The PA says CBD oil might help for pain, but not much else. I have a bottle, smakll bottle. But like most folks, I'm willing to try to most anything.
My really fear is that Diane will be left to fend for herself. Fianancially we are ok, at least for now, but I just worry about her mental self. She's not nut like me, she is down to earth and a good loving caring person. Been better than a good daughter, a good friend, a good t eacher and mentor, and the best companion and mate a person could have. Cant really say the same for me though.
She does have her Beta Aeta group for some support, and the Chappell Hill Garden club, and of course our church Oaks Presybeterians, small that it is. But whaat she is gonna need is daily support from a woman that can just be there, someone to go shopping with, have lunch and stuff, talk "girlie" stuff, shoes and stuff.
I'm not giving up, but it's not lookeing too good for the home team here. Ok, I'm tired and probably depressed you beyond threapy, so I'm gonn sing off.
Keep the sun at yoour back, and the Son in your heart, he's in mine...and as always, "ride boldly ride..."
Your frien and resident resident...Cephusr R hanging on esq
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