Beau Wann, Jr.
Happy M day to youse youtes! Brother Dave Gardner? "James lewis, get away from that wheelbarrow, you know you dont know nothing about machinery..." That ol boy was insane! Had a couple of his albums along with Justin Wilsons, who had a cooking show on 8 methinks, sometime back. "hoo mahn, hah guaruntee..." or woids to that defect.
I could tell right off that it was Monday, because of the M on my 7 day vitamin pill thingy.
Pretty sharp eh! We're very fortunate that all we have to take are vitamins and the like. Well, I have to take a "metro...something or other' for what Doc Frrrrrahnkensteen (notice how I rolled my Rs) calls "essential tremors". I call them "my shakey pills", which seem to me to not be all that effective, but what the heck, could be woise eh hoser!
The days and nights are very interesting up heah in the Chalps, sto say the leeast.. Got into a fight with my pillow, over the weekend. Well, we didnt fight over "the weekend", but during the weekend we fought. I have 3 pillows, and dont like any of them, but got into a fight with the smaller of the 3. Woke up and the pillow case was plumb off, and there was blood strewn about. Oh, not alot, just enough to let me know "I bled".
I could understand a little bloodshed if I had gotten into a bruhaha with a rose bush... which is perzactly what I did yesterday. I thought I'd help Diane out whilst she was in the big city, by innocently "deadheading" the roses in Dianes rosegarden when one of those bad girls grabbed me and would not let go. Like ol brer rabbit, the harder I fought, the stuckier I got.
I had my P hone with me, and was just a sillysecond away from calling 911, seriously! After having thought about it at length, say anothe silly second, I decided against it. Can you imagine what that woulda sounded like...
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Me: Uh ma'am, could y ou send someone out to **** lane in Chappell Hill?
I seem to be stuck in my wifes rose garden"!
operator: Ok, well then what's the emergency, you have a heart attack"?
Me: No ma'am, I'm tangled up in the roses, and the thorns are holding on to me, and I'm bleeding".
operator: "Well what do you want me to do, call Martha Stewart? Is this a prank call? That's a crime you know!"
Me; "no, this is a for real call, I am stuck in the rosegarden, and bleeding, well, dont think I'll bleed to death, but I'm having a heck of a time getting a loose from these rosebushes from hell, and I've got to get out to give my dog 4 pills at 3 oclock"
Operator: "Sir, do you have some pruners in your hand?"
Me: "yes ma'am I do"
Operator;, "well then, why dont you just cut the branches that are holding you back"
Me; "ARE YOU NUTS? If I do that, I'll need emergency service for real and sure. Ok, sorry to have bothered you, I think I can manage"
Operator: Ok sir, have a nice day"
Fat chance of that happening! ! ! ! Well anyway that's how that phone call woulda gone had I made it. Fortunately I was wearing a loose wrangler shirtjac, and manged to extricate my arms from it and vacate the premises aka rose garden. (wasnt there a song..."I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden...") Aint that the truth! ! !
So now I'm out of the rosegardenfromhell, bleedin like a stuck pig, maddern a wet hen...(has anyone ever seen a "stuck pig", or a "wet hen"? I havent) Well, you know what I mean. I need to get my shirt out of there, it looks like one of the scarecrows my beloved has made and attached to the gates. You know, I've almost shot those scarecrows on numerous occasions, becasue they really dont belong there, they are life size, and at night, looks like someone movin about.
Of course when Diane came home lastnight, she asked me, "what's your shirt doing in the rosebushes...." then she thought about that statement, and said, "never mind". At least I didnt run the tractor into the cement pond, ok?
Never a dull moment up here at the Wannderosa. What a beautiful day today, we had 39 this morning and 77% humadidity, why I mention the humadidity, is because at 3 oclock yesterday, Jacks 2nd pill adminstering, the humadidity was 14% ! ! ! I've never in all my borned days, ever seen the humadidty that low.
Here's another thing, I was sitting out by the pool yestiddy, on the deck, that I built, smokin a stogie, listening to Janis Ian, (another story her), when I noticed dozens of buzzards circling about, low and high. I had to check on Jack, because one day this past other time, Jack was laying in the yard, and a buzzard was on the ground not moren 2 feet away from him walking towards him. I disabused that ol buzzard from it's notion of having Jack as a meal.
Anyway to lengthen an otherwise short story, I noticed up around 4 or 5 thousand feet, a white bird. I saw the sun glistening off it's wings and body, then all of a sudden, there were hundreds of the white birds, not in a V, but at differeing heights and flying helter skelter, hither and yon, to and fro, all mishy mashy and wishy washy, otherwise in full out circling disaray.
The were coming from the north, and as I mentioned, way yonder on up there, bout 4 or 5 thousand feet, well above the buzzards. When they got directly overhead, they disappeared, I mean gone, vanished, as in no longer there. The day was as today, clear and no clouds, so they couldnt have gone behind one. You know what I'm thinkin dontcha? Yup ANGELS ! ! ! ! Wonder what they were doing? I'm still here, so they didnt come for me! Darn!
I'll save Janis Ian for another day....is that cheering I hear? Oh fine!
Keep the sun at your six and "ride boldly ride..."
Your frien and resident rose bud, bud! Cephus R a rose by any other name esq
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