Beau Wann, Jr.
Nanner fanner bobanner bananer fanner momanner fe fi fo...nanner...OMG (oh my goodness) what a day waht a day...Started off standard stuff, taking care of the animals before we do anything for us...hurt all night long, even packed in hot rice socks and cats and dogs...a hot shower generally perks one up, at least it does me. I turn it as hot as it will go, and I WANT EVERY MIRROR AND WINDOW FOGGED UP...
This morning actually started last night at 7:30...Jack had another seizure...really his f irst since June. We write everything down when it comes to the health of our critters. Seizures are sure a hard thing to watch in a helpless critter that you love. Hard to watch in any animal or human. It takes him about an hour or so to actually run it off.
Once he comes out of the seizure, then he is goes into hyper drive. We have to go outside with him and watch as he just runs and runs and runs. Of course, with us and Jack, is his best friend, Dixie Belle Lee.
She is also his nurse, as she was Coopers nurse during his last months with us. She stayed by Coopers side from the moment she joined our merry little band, all the way to the end. Now she's Jacks friend and nurse. While Jack is running the fence line and every inch of the yard, Dixies nose is no more than an inch away from Jacks neck.
Finally Jack sort of wears out, along with Diane and myself, but not Dixie...she is ever vigilant, always by Jacks side. What loyalty...
Lights out...time for some serious sack time, or hot rice sock time. Got about 9 of em packed all around me along with two cats and one dog....I think I'm going to sleep, but could not. Finally at 2 I guess I just pass out from exhaustion...
then comes morning, for once the sun is up before I am! Diane let me sleep in and took care of all the morning chores, bless her heart. Today is blood test day and MRI day...piece of cake...or so I thought.
Went into town to the clinic where vampirella bout tore my arm off stickin that dang needle in trying to find a vein to collect some of my A positive ! I swear, she must have been right out of needle stickin school, or just getting ready to attend, or maybe a flunkee. I'll never pitch in the majors ever again!
Well, it is my left arm, and I'm a righty, plus I never actually pitched in a major league game, cept in my own mind..."My team, the Oak Forest Pioneers, ahead by 1 point, two outs bottom of the ninth, tieing run on 3rd, winning run on 2nd, and who should come to bat? None other than BOMBING BAD BOB, The Sharpstown Sharks evil mean and bad and nasty home run hitter...Oh man, my arm was hurtin and the team was tired, if I'd a had a towel, I believe I'd a chunked it in. I shook off catcher Carls first two signals, low and inside, low and outside, nope, I wanted to strike him out swinging at one of my patented fast balls...
Hmm, seem to have gotten off point here. NOOO really? Doesnt take much for me to get off point does it?
Anyway, my arm didnt fall off from the blood lettin, and I made it to My MRI appointment, 15 minutes early as requested by them....yup, I was 15 minutes early and they were 30 minutes late, how nice.
Finally Dr Frauhnckunsteens tech came and got me. Lots of preleminary questions, "are you pregnant..." you know the ones. I'm no rookie, I've got a few MRI's under me belt! Yeah yeah, blah blah blah...get my boots off and get on the narrow sled that goes into the torpedo tube, lay down flat and pain jumped up on me and said, "howdy, I'll be with for the next hour or so, as I have been with you for the last 70 years or so, only this time it's going to be really really bad, as opposed to just really bad"...
I havent laid down on a flat surface with my neck and head unsupported since the last time I had an MRI....it's like a building has fallen on top of me. Oh silly, not a building, but submarine U-571...
I'm sure some of you are not strangers to the MRI machine, so you know what I mean about the discomfort one is in whilst one is in the torpedo tube of U-571. You cant move at all, even if you wanted to, the quarters are just too small. Everything that hurts on me was in a bind whilst that infernal machine was hammerin, especially my right shoulder and arm. For the first 30 minutes, I tried to think of everything I could to divert my attention away from the pain, even fell mercifully asleep for a few minutes here and there.
Finally, the noise stops and the torpedo carriage starts sliding back towards the opening..."praise the lord, it's over", says I jubilantly. Did I mention they place a contraption over your head to keep it from moving about, well, they do! They also give you ear plugs, which I'm sure helps alot because that corntraption is LOUD! Frau Frahnckensteen bends over my face and takes the head trap off and starts reading to me from a piece of paper she is holding. Ok, picture this, I told her I was deaf, plus I have ear plugs in me ears, and she's reading to me!
Once we got the ear plugs out, she reads to me what is a disclaimer....for the dye they are going to inject in my veins...POR QUE???? "can cause headaches, nausea, vomiting....resperatory, and even death..."
Hello? say, you want to run that last part off ot me again? Did you say "DEATH"? Oh great, thanks, my day is complete now, killed in the line of duty in a torpedo tube! Wish they would have just shot me out the back of the tube into the grey day over the RR traccks and down into the creek.
Frau Fraunckunsteen says that none of her patients have died in the 20 years she has been doing this. There's always a first! I wondered, but didnt ask, what the dye was, Polonium? Radium? Who knows. My last Catscan they used iodine. Maybe mercurochrome this time.
She says she has to stuff me back into the torpedo tube for another 10 minutes or so...it were not 10 minutes, it were SO ! Frau Fraunckunsteen iss a liar, pants on fire! All I can describe to you about the next 30 minutes, not 10, is indescribable...absolute hell. All the times I hurt, which is all the time, is nothing compared to the next 30 minutes....they give you a bulb to squeeze should you need them to stop the test and pull you from the jaws of death. The onliest (east texas for only) thing that kept me from crushing the panic button, was knowing that I would probably have to redo the MRI.
I've had a broken arm, broken back, now a broken heel, been at deaths door with respiratory problems, but those were nothing like the last 30 minutes in U-571s number one torpedo tube. Once God answered my silent screaming prayers of getting me out of there, took him 30 minutes to finally help me out, Frau Fraunckunsteen had to get 2 other folks to help me up off the torpedo carriage. Diane had to drive us home, I was so spent.
Jumped into bed the minute we got home and fell asleep and slept for 4 or more hours. Woke up just in time to watch the last 2 quarters of the Clemson, Alabama game. What a great game. Glad Clemson won.
I had to ask my phone just where Clemson was. I didnt know it was in South Carolina!
So now it's 1:30 AM in the morning, and I'm finally running down. But first I had to bore you all to tears and probably sleep, because that's where I'm headed, TO SLEEP...shhhhhh, not so loud...Oh gee, I just had a terrible thought, since this MRI was worse than eating a pile of far aints, (east texas for fire ants) , I hope I dont have nightmares about it !
Diane told me that my last MRI was unpleasant, not as unpleasant as this one, but not fun either, and that she and I had discussed me taking one of my pain pills before being shoved into a U boat torpedo tube. Wonder why I only remember AFTER the fact! Ok, next time I'm scheduled for an MRI, it's yalls duty to remind me to take a pain pill or two or three...BEFORE the actual event, OK? ok!
Keep the sun at your six and away from U-Boats...
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