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Beau Wann, Jr.
hmmmpf mummmmpf wummmpf...rummmpf zummmpf cadummmpf, or words to that effect...
Just back from my dentist, Doc Holliday, and it was not fun...the above line, is what you would hear if I were talking to you, so it's good that I can let my fingers do the talking...Hey Rich, What was it you were saying about going to the dentist and getting our bobos fixed up and that we werent suffering...HA AND BAH HUMBUG...next time, you can go to ol Doc Holiday for me...that ol boy just pulled his 6 shooters and blasted them teeth out...He says next visit will be a good one...YEAH????, FOR WHOM...FOR HIM, THATS WHOM...
Man, he had to throw a whole 55 gallon drum of novacaine at my punkin head, and it still hurt...some...not as bad as if I hadnt had the joy juice, but still I WAS SUFFERIN, AND AM STILL SUFFERIN, AND WILL CONTINUE TO SUFFER LONG UP INTO THE NEXT YEAR, POSSIBLY TWO YEARS...THIS WOULD HAVE KILLED AND ORDINARY MAN...
Oh, thanks Gloria, for your good thoughts and cares...Thats more than I got from Rich the LH, whom I thought as my dear good friend...and besides that, he doesnt want us to reminiss or nostalgisize...what kind of prevert does that...Ol Rich, ever the pregnatist and internal optometrist...and me in pain, not as much as I am gonna be in when this joy juice wears off, and I'm bleedin to death...hell, coulda gone down to the blood bank and just let em syphon it off...jeese loueese...AH HATE DENTALSADISM...
Ah know, I'll be a better man because of all the pain endured...if pain makes you a better person, we'd all be right up there with Jesus, which aint a bad idear if you think about it...
How the blue blazes am I suppose to eat now...SOUP???? APPLESAUSE????TAPIOCA PUDDING, ICE CREAM...HMMMM well, I suppose I could suffer those delectables, but I wont like it, so there, ptttthhhuuubbbbssss....
My beloved called, and I cant talk...You ever see "10"???? well thats me...Not Bo Derrick silly, Dudley Moore, after he went to the dentist...mmmuuummmph hummmmpf gabummmmpf etc...
had to text my beloved and tell her not to call, just text, and tell everyone else in the whirld, DONT CALL...Oh, and hey, she bought me a new vacuum for our anniversary, a Dyson...now aint that sweet...she asked me if I had tried it out....good thing I cant talk, cause I'da said something I'da regretted, for dang sure...yeah, thats the ticket, go to the dentist, vacuum the house...I want some by God symphony from her and everyone else on the planet...
Had a thought, I wonder if I'll ever stop bleeding!!!!! Ol Doc Holiday, said it was hardly bleeding at all...if this is hardly bleedin, I'd hate to see someone really bleedin...and I had my shootin ahrn on me to...I shoulda blasted that varmint, maybe put a round in one of his legs, see how he likes limpin for awhile...ah hate the tast of blood...guess I wouldnt make a good vampire, or a bad one for that matter...
This is the first time I have been without front teeth since the last time I was without front teeth, when I was 10???? maybe...sounds like a good age...Oh scuse me Rich, I was nostalgasizein again...I'm gonna find me a gypsy woman and put a hex on your hamburger at tomorrows WHIRLD AFFAIRS AND BURGER EVALUATING COMMITTEE meeting...
Oh great, my beloved just texted me and told me to take a pain pill...what part of AH CAINT FIND MY MOUTH DOESNT SHE UNDERSTAND???? I would sure love to take one o them little white pills, but my whole head is numb...THATS NUMB, NOT DUMB...and ol Doc Holiday, doesnt have one of those swing in spit sinks, noooooooo, he has one in a wooden cabinet, that if you dont get your head in there just right, and I didnt, WHAM, gonna need stitches in my head to boot...I am not going outside to the cement [pond, yall probably see on the 10 oclock news about a crazy cat man drownin!!!
Ol "Doc H" gave me some gauze to stick where the teeth were...that would be great, if I could find em...he used so much novacaine, I cant find my mouth, let alone where the teeth were...did get some gauze stuck in my nose...only reason I knew it was there, was I couldnt breathe...
Some day, I will look back on this minor episode of traumatic dentistry and laugh...HA...see, I feel better already...one good thing, at least my house didnt burn down...thats always a plus...
Ok, finally took a pill, at least I think I did, might a just shoved it in my ear...I'll know here in a fortminute or three...
Houston, we have a problem...my ear is happy, but I'm not...It would appear I missed my mouth...and I'm still missing it...as we speak...
All the critters are taunting me...all are sleeping soundly, and snoring and purring, tha sadists...
Ok, I'm gonna take another pill, maybe I'll make the other ear happy, or my nose...at least something on me will be happy...
Think I'll go outside and get the garden hose and squirt it in my mouth, to rinse the blood out...either bleed to death, or drown in the cement algae maker...take my pick...
adios amigos...happy trails...nice knowing ya...go on, leave me, save yourselves...
Oh great, I hear a cat "selling a buick" (throwing up), you know, BUUUIIIICCCCKKKK...oh goodie, something for my beloved to do, Peaches just threw up on the mail...I had something to mail, to the city, Catahoula Jacks license, and peaches threw up on it...how appropriate...gotta love them critters...
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