| 02/11/10 12:23 PM |
#2221
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Beau Wann, Jr.
QUACK QUACK QUACK MON AMI, Boy, me and Coop earned our pay this frosty drippy moanin!!! Alls quiet on the western front!!!! Well, cept maybe for a couple of delinquint ducks, and some curmudgeonly cormorant coots! Me and coop gave em a warning to which they defiantly mocked us!!! Soooo, I turned coop loose on em! Well sir, they immedgiately (british for immediately) straightened up and flew right!!! Having seen the error of their quacky ways, all peace and tranquility soon resumed in the ducky cooty whirld!!!!
Hey Bro RichardM, ifin you lived in my hood, your paper woulda been on your front porch!!! Seems we have to finish the paper throwers job for him or her, the lazy bums! They just drive by and drop it in the street or whatever it takes so they dont have to exert any effort!!! Good folks them!!!
So on our appointed rounds, me and the venerable coop patrol our territory, and take said newspapers and throw them up on everyones porch, or a close proximity thereof!!!
It is lunchtime at the wann compound, and Big oliver and I are at the dinning room table sharing lunch! Well, he is trying to take the potato chips out of my hand, HOLD ON...
YOU STUPID GLUTONOUS FAT KAT YOU!!!!!!! You wont believe what His Largeness did!!!! He likes potatochips, and was stealing them from my plate, until I finished them off!!! Got a look of utter contempt from the big ox!!! I left the bag of chips on the table, and it was less than a fourth full! I'm typing away and Big Olie sticks his head in the open end of the chip bag, and trys to reach the chips at the bottom of the bag with his mouth! He gets the bag stuck on his head, and tried to back out of it, and falls off the dinning room table, almost pulling the computer with him!!! He hits the floor, and now he is in a panic cause the bag is still stuck on his head! So, he is running around the house, banging into furniture and walls and other critters, and I am chasing after him like a idjit!!!
I finally coral the chip thief, and he is flailing about with his size 15 paws, smackin me and anything in reach! I pull the bag off his head, and of course, chips fly everywhere! Now, that is just an invitation for John boy to come running over and vacuum up the mess with his hoover snout!!!! Ol olie though, has positioned himself upside down on the floor and started licking the salt and potato chips off his fur! the boys in heaven now! UH OH!!! More trouble!!!
John Boy, aka catahoula jack, runs out of chips on the floor, and spies Big Oliver with chips all over hisownself!!!! Before I could intervene, JB runs over and has Olie down with one paw, licking all the chips off his fur! Much to Olivers chagrin! Chagrin be damned!!! If theres one thing Big Oliver kaint abide, that is some big ol dumb stupid dawg lickin him!!! Big oliver reaches up and smacks JB on the end of his knose causing JB to shriek and loosen his grip on Mr Big Stuff!!!! Now, Mr Big is in a playful mood, and thinks he is at Disney whirld! He reaches up with both size 15 paws and grabs aholt of (east texas for aholt of) JBs snout and hangs on for a fun ride around the house!!!!
For a while, things were looking semi-ok! But as murphys law goes, so goes murphy! JB runs head long, with Oliver firmly ensconsed on the end of his nose, into the piano, causing a cacauphony of symphonic and melodic noise! This startles both parties, especially Big Oliver! Whilst at the end of JBs knose, Mr Big decides to try to stop the ride, and bites the end of JBs knose, causing him to jump up and partially extricatin hisownself from the jaws of death. Laws a mercy (my granmommas exclaim) I didnt sign on for this!
I grab the offending partys, Big Oliver and John Boy, and pry them apart! and extricating a 22 pound cat from an 80 pound dog aint easy! I can tell theres gonna be a blood lettin, and I'm just hopin it aint gonna be mine!!! Praise the lord, it wasnt!!!! But John Boy did loose a eye dropper full though in the extricatin process!!!
Now John Boy is on the hassock in front of the window in the library licking his wounds, every now and then looking in my direction with sad hurt eyes!!! Well, thats what you get for trying to eat something almost as big as you!!! Big Oliver has jumped back up on the dining room table, with me, (I'm not on the table, I am sitting at it) and is giving hisownself a bath! I'll bet he has his entire lifes worth of salt on his fur!!!!
I know, I know, you dont allow your cat on the table, and neither do we! I will have him arrested as soon as he falls asleep!!!!
Never a dull moment around here!!!!
I felt I needed some kind of reward for all my trials and tribulations, so I check the Lance cookie jar for CHOCOLATE.... Lo and behold some Cadbury dark chocolate bars!!!! I carefully remove the glass lid and reach down and pull a dozen or so out! I check the expiration dates, and glory be I found one fixin to expire sometime around Dec 2010! Close enough!!!! Theres no tellin the kind o damage a expired chocolate bar could do to the environment, So I do my boundin duty and save the whirld from expiratin chocolate!!! Aint I a good soul!!!!
Listening to the 1966 waltrip choir sing! Got em saved from Vinyl to CD to my computer! Sounds as good as any choir I've ever heard!!!!
Guess I will sign off for now! Gotta try to clean up from the potato chip fiasco so DW wont ask, "what do you do all day long, scatter chips all over the house and egg these sweet lovable critters on to fight one and other???" "Yeah, you found me out, thats why I married you, just to agravate you with all these critters and the food in the pantry"!!!!!
Gracious, theres chips everywhere, the piano, the windows jeeze loueeze... Oh well, gotta get to cleanin! SEe ya Attila of quasimodo, keeper of useless and worthless knowledge, and your frien and bretheren
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